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In essence, you don’t have to say, "Um, hey, so I found your vibrator, do you want to talk about it? But you can still have value-based conversations about sex without your kid wanting to crawl under the covers and play white noise until you leave them alone. In fact, it’s important to discuss consent and birth control and alcohol and all the other things that can help them make smart decisions when the time comes. Finding a vibrator doesn’t have to be the focus of the discussion, but perhaps it’s a catalyst for other topics. Reed also notes that toys can also be useful conversation-starters, especially if you and/or your partner struggle to communicate your needs in the bedroom.

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Simply, you want something made from a non-porous and body-safe material, in order to minimize the chances of any kind of skin reaction or infection risk, he says. There are several materials that fall in this camp, such as silicone, stainless steel, ABS-plastic, and glass! When picking which body-safe material to opt for, you should consider how you’re going to be using it and the sensations you like. "Silicone is going to be a bit softer and have a little give to it, whereas steel, glass, and ABS plastic are going to be very firm," says Lehmiller.

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